Gregory Pettigrew (etherial) wrote,
Gregory Pettigrew
etherial

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Birth Pangs

I'm trying to work through these leftover feelings, and it's mostly working, but I spend a lot of time going in circles. I feel so lost. And betrayed. And used. I have all these tiny puzzle pieces of what happened, but I can't put them together because the first thing that happened is that she pulled away. She cut me off from her emotionally, spiritually, and, yes, physically. She systematically obliterated everything that made up our relationship, and I'll never know why. I think of all the things I did to keep things going and how they just ended up enabling her to keep pulling further and further away. I think of how she kept telling me that I was a priority in her life while, at every possible opportunity, she proved that I wasn't. I think of how I was going to Camelot meetings working on our house and our neighborhood while she was busy telling her friends that she was leaving me. I know it doesn't really help to think about these things, but they're there.
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